communistbakery:

dragonbun:

which character do you think of when you hear,”a total asshole but very hot as well”

shrek

132,369 notes

netlfix:

my laptop is hotter than me

210,644 notes
netlfix fake-mermaid

nnilkshake:

life hack: make out with me

91,658 notes
nnilkshake pizza
andrewbreitel infamousgod

trillow:

[police officer] “sir are you in possession of any illegal drugs”

“sure thing son whatchu need”

133,054 notes
sexponents:

black undies o0o0o0 britney
mistakesswereemadee -scrapes
beautiful-ordinary-things:

HE HAS A TINY CART OF CARROTS
aquilamon crunchier

dejacoendou:

hey-doesnt-he-rap:

chicken-nuggets-galore:

Do twins have the same sized dick?

now we’re asking the real questions

As a twin, I can say my dick is definitely bigger than my sister’s.

543,050 notes
chicken-nuggets-galore pizza

spookyjohansson:

*Jesus does the cup song at the Last Supper* You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.

117,985 notes
officialwintersoldier orgasm
Who’s to say tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life? Matty Healy (via guy)
137,011 notes
todiscardanddiscover orgasm

irritate:

should be my middle name because everything bothers me.

16,631 notes

dutchster:

i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing it’s fins

119,265 notes
dutchster crunchier

finefools:

‘am i right ladies’ is the best way to end any text post am i right ladies 

342,984 notes
finefools joshpeck

dewgongo:

how to be a lil bitch:

  1. look like u
  2. act like u
  3. smell like u
  4. dance like u
  5. talk like u
  6. u
174,370 notes
dewgongo pizza

cockringtoss:

*strategically places snapchat text box over acne*

41,584 notes